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Why Letting Ourselves Feel Bad Is the Key to Feeling Better

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Add to Flipboard Magazine. Fuente: newspropro - View all news from this site
Why Letting Ourselves Feel Bad Is the Key to Feeling Better Why Letting Ourselves Feel Bad Is the Key to Feeling Better

Why Letting Ourselves Feel Bad Is the Key to Feeling Better

?The more you hide your feelings, the more they show. The more you deny your feelings, the more they grow.? ~Unknown
For as long as I can remember, I have been on a quest to heal myself. From a very young age I can remember feeling different from my peers. I was always painfully shy and paralyzed with insecurity and fear, which left me in a constant state of self-criticism.
Hardships in my young life, including the suicide of my father, left me with the belief that life was just hard.
Unfortunately, I also thought that it wasn?t supposed to be and that something was wrong with mebecause I had so much pain in my life. My head swirled with shame wondering, ?What?s wrong with me" Why can?t I get over this, or that"?
My solution to the pain I felt was to basically wage war on myself and conquer all of the difficult feelings I experienced.  

I truly believed that I just needed to figure out the right formula, accomplishments, and milestones, and then I wouldn?t have these painful feelings and I would finally feel okay in my skin.
Along the way, I hit all of the targets I had identified: I lost weight, I earned degrees, I made money, I did lots of therapy; I created a life for myself where everything looked the way it was supposed to, but I still struggled with fears and insecurity.
This mission I was on to fix myself only added insult to injury, because my primary thought process was that something was seriously wrong with me and if I wanted to be happy, like I thought everyone else was, then I needed to stop having what I had deemed ?bad? feelings.  
Rather than giving myself a break, I found the path of greatest resistance.
I was in a constant battle with myself, where every time I had an uncomfortable feeling I jumped on myself for feeling that way and immediately set out to change that feeling. I couldn?t distinguish the difference of ?I?m having a ?bad? feeling,? from ?I am bad.?
When we react negatively to our own negative emotions, treating them as enemies to be overcome, eliminated, and defeated, we get into trouble. Our reactions to unhappiness can transform what might just be a brief, passing sadness into a persistent dissatisfaction and overall unhappiness.
Unfortunately, no matter how hard we try to avoid emotional pain, it follows us everywhere. Difficult emotions, like shame, anger, loneliness, fear, despair, confusion, are a natural part of the human experience. It?s just not possible to avoid feeling bad.
However, we can learn how to deal with difficult emotions in a new, healthier way, by practicing acceptance of our emotions, embracing them fully as they are, moment to moment. For me, this has meant creating space in my life for all of the parts of experience, the ups and the downs.
Unfortunately, in Western culture very few of us have been given the tools to tolerate our own difficult feelings, or those of another person. Not only do we want to avoid feeling pain at all costs, we want to prevent the people we care about...
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Why Letting Ourselves Feel Bad Is the Key to Feeling Better Why Letting Ourselves Feel Bad Is the Key to Feeling Better


Fuente de la noticia: newspropro
Fecha de publicación: 30-11-2016 21:56
visto: 21

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